Dr. I-isms

I took a Family Finance class during the Winter semester. My professor, Dr. Israelson (Dr. I), would always say the funniest things. He would also say wise things. I started writing down things that he would say that made me laugh. Most of these are taken out of context, of course. And I don't even remember most of the contexts either. All well! Enjoy:

-"All debt is not created equal."
-"We fight over things that dead people don't want."
-"One you're getting money- that makes that HOLY!?" (talking about a restaurant and a kitchen)
-"Give me your kidney." "Oh, Okay!" - "And Give me your Cell Phone." "Oh, no way!"
-"So Plant a tree, and then use the paper!"
-"That's called psychosis."
-"If everthing is random in your life, then there is no random! ...That is a philosophical idea"
-"His hair is like, ah...WAY BACK!"
-"Testing Center Guards... or whatever they are."
-"You're not a calculator."
-"Prepativity= wierd word, but great word for scrabble."
-"This 2x4 (wood) has no trans fat."
-"These wheaties may contain wheat." (Reffering to the warning on Wheaties cereal box.)
-"Oh Dude! That movie was like, so totally marginal."
-"Tornadoes are very capricious - 'I just want that!' I mean sometimes they arrange your furniture."
-"Well the 3 little pig metaphor is actually about Risk Management."
-"It's not like the flames look up [at the ceiling fire sprinklers] and say, "Oh man, we can't be here!"
-"Don't eat stuff fried in ... cattle sweat."
-" 'Well, it's just a scooter, I guess I don't have to wear my helimit.' It doesn't matter how fast you're going - it's how fast the truck was going that hit you."
-"Why is stuff on ships called 'Cargo', and stuff on trucks called 'Shipment' ...These things bother me."
-"I'm on the POW side of that." (Build limits)
-" 'What? Are you a stand in for Schindler's List?' haha, That's good stuff." (Making a joke about himself. He is extremely thin- it almost looks unnatural. This would not be funny to me, except for that he said it about himself, and it is true!)
-"I had this big nasty bikini nasty scar."
-"The 30 years isn't even an option, infact, they suggest you don't even buy green bananas." (Referring to a life insurance policy for a 64 yr old).
-"The new 'sick' is confusing man!" (Referring to the word for AWESOME).
-"Ok, sorry! WRONG planet!"
-"You're driving a grain truck to school." - "The brakes actually worked! What a deal!" (Referring to the car that he drove growing up)
-"These new mini-van doors have a thing where they close at a glacial rate."
-"The punishment for driving drunk in Poland- Jail, Fined, and forced to attend political lectures."
-"Which is kind of wierd, they license llamas in Missouri, you don't see a license plate on the bum of a llama."
-"Insurance for a dwelling extension...like a goat nueturing shed."
-"Chores are where it's at."
-Adult, "Don't go in that room, I just vacuumed it." Child, "So why have it?" Adult, "It's for the home teachers, if they ever come..."
-"It's the newly wed and nearly dead on 2nd west and 3rd North!" (In Provo).
-"Oh, I'm sad you didn't tell me that. You're evil. Are you the Devil?"
-"Telegraph...that's sold!"
-"If you want to boycott tobacco, you've got to boycott Velveeta. And that puts us in a real awkward situation!" (Referring to Kraft).
-"As you look at my massive physique, you may wonder, 'What does he know about that?'" (About exercise)
-"Whatever you can master fast, it ain't got power."
-"Reasoning and Thinking is more than the brain."
-"See others as you would want to be seen."
-"Prodigal Sons (Luke 15)- Father and Son (Moral Hazard) - Father took the bad attention to himself and invited the whole village and forgave him. Much like Heavenly Father."
-"You had faith when others had fear (pre-mortal life), so don't fear now!"
-"There's so much good in the worst of us, and there is so much bad in the best of us, that it hardly behooveth us to talk about the rest of us."
-"What do we have to boast of? [We have nothing] -Elder Maxwell. We are indebted to Him and He pays us."